Craftaholics Anonymous

When you're just not that into you, waking up in the morning is terrible.

Not only do you have to face another day, you're probably hungover.

Some people frown upon getting blackout drunk... but not me. The more of my life I can forget, the better.

People often underestimate the positives of binge drinking, but there are many. It's a great excuse as to why no one wants to date you, or be with you in social settings, why you don't have a career, why you fall down all the time, and why you mouth raped a clown at your little cousin's 7th Birthday party.

Being a single girl in NYC is so craaaaaaazy, you guys! I woke up this morning totally naked with glitter everywhere. My head was pounding,  I was wearing a wig,  and my body was covered in burns.


I must have been out partying with a bunch of hot dudes or something, 'cause I'm so cool.
 Did you hear that everyone I went to high school with? I'm really cool now.

 I thought about calling my gal pals to try and piece together the evening... then I remembered, oh yeah, I don't have any.

 I was at home by myself drinking & making crafts!

Like to live dangerously? Try using a hot glue gun in the nude!

Hemingway, Poe, Van Gogh, Baker... We're just your typical creative genius/tortured soul types

 who love getting our drink on!

Follow these simple steps, and you too can live in a world of hurt, while creating your masterpiece!

All you need is:

Glitter/Sequins/Feathers

Glue

Vodka

Step 1: Drink vodka

Step 2: Awake in a glittery wonderland!

  

It's just that simple to have your normal household objects become works of art!

Like...

YOUR TOASTER!

Not only does this look amazing, it's also highly flammable!

YOUR TOILET PAPER!

So that's why I'm bleeding back there!!!!

YOUR SYRUP!

Stickier than the floor at a 25 cent peep show!
(and almost as classy)

YOUR FRIENDS! (or in my case, friend)

I'm lonely!!!



Ain't no party like a craftin' party, cause a craftin' party don't stop!

It just goes to show you that there's NOTHING glitter CAN'T fix!!!

(Except alcoholism)

Must Scream TV

I love Reality TV. Real shows, about real people, in real situations....in other words Ghost Shows!

"Dude, bro, a ghost just touched my rockin' bicep!!!"

If you're anything like me, your DVR is jammed with a buttload of ghost shows like...

Ghost Adventures
Ghost Hunters
Ghost Hunters International
Ghostly Encounters
Ghost Whisperer
Celebrity Ghost Stories
My Ghost Story
Ghostly Lovers
Haunted Collector
The Dead Files
A Haunting
Beyond and Back
Paranormal State
Psychic Kids
The Haunted
Ghost Lab
Haunted America
and
Paranormal Challenge

I know what you're saying...
 "Noooo, that's not enough ghost based entertainment! What am I supposed to do to distract me from my 3 a.m. panic attacks? 
Read? What is this, olden times? Help me!"

Don't worry, I've gone to the network fat cats and pitched my new hit show ideas. Trust me...they were 'bout it, 'bout it! (People are still saying that, right?)

Once these babies hit the airways, you can spend your time living in fear of GHOSTS instead of  living in fear of confrontation, birds and dying alone!

 Here's a sneak preview...

Ghouls Gone Wild!

Looks like someone's ghost Dad didn't love them enough!

For a few plastic beads, these creepy co-eds will lift their sheets and show off those deceased Double D's!  Ghouls Gone Wild is so full of boo-bs, it's sure to give you a case of rigamortis in the pants!

(If ghost boners last more than 4 hrs... Get it together, buddy.)

"Dad keeps disappearing! Let's make out with eachother so someone will notice us!"

The Law & Order juggernaut continues with their newest hit...

Law & Order S.G.U. (Special Ghost Unit) 

"In the criminal justice system, ghost based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad, known as the Special Ghost Unit. These are their stories."

Ripped from the headlines, this gripping drama stars Tupac's ghost in the role of Ice T. (A role that will surprise you.)

"Street crime can suck my #%&#%#*@$"

Days of Our Afterlives

"Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our afterlives..."  

While a lot of Soap Operas are getting the ax, Days of Our Afterlives is going strong. Torrid love affairs, evil twins, and devil possession are par for the course on this deadly daytime drama.

(Disclaimer: It's actually no different from the real show.)

  

Stephano: "Marlena, what are you doing in bed...WITH MY BROTHER...AND MY FATHER??!!"

Marlena: "Darling, it's not what it looks like.... I thought you weren't  dead?"

Stephano: "Or am I?"

...to be continued



Toddlers and Terrors

These pint sized poltergeist are the source of a lot of controversy!

The spray tanned lil' specters on this show may have died from Shaken Baby Syndrome, but now they're shakin' it for the judges, in the hopes of a pageant win! Stay tuned, there's a lot of tough competition this season, that little Jon Benet is tough to beat. (Too soon?)

Dancing With The Deceased

Other dancing shows have "celebrities" who you'd think were dead, but on Dancing with the Deceased, there's no doubt about it!  Watch your favorite scantily clad celebrity skeletons: Corey Haim, Karen Carpenter, Macho Man Randy Savage, Gary Coleman, and Euell Gibbons take on reigning champ (and beast) Bea Arthur for the coveted title! 



Estelle Ghetty, on the other hand...



Extreme Ghost Makeovers 

So you've got a face not even a Necrophiliac could love....
Don't worry it's nothing some blond hair extensions and monster jugs can't fix!




BEFORE

 


AFTER

 

Check your local listings for these hit shows and more
such as...
America's Got Ghosts
Real Ghostwives
Say Yes to the Possessed
Ghosts with Big Asses
and
Big Ass Ghosts