If I had to pick a favorite Fairy Tale, it would be Sleeping Beauty. Ever since I was a little girl, it's been my fantasy to wake up from a forced mini coma and find some strange guy's tongue in my mouth.
To some, it may seem weird for a children's story to glorify a girl getting roofied. Then again, isn't it a little freaky to live with singing mice, drive around in a pumpkin, or shack up with more than half a dozen little men? Everyone has a fetish, I guess. (Check out my X-rated Johnny Appleseed centerfold! It's hardcore! Get it apple core? Is this thing on?)
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| I'd much rather wake up to a little tonsil hockey with some handsome stranger than have a philosophical discussion with a rodent, but that's just me. |
Sadly, we can't all live the fairy tale. You may have to settle.
Maybe instead of growing your hair really long, so your lover can climb in your bedroom, you just grow your leg hair really long. (Because...who even looks at you?)
Maybe instead of having a fairy Godmother who grants wishes, you just have a real mother who wishes you would stop humiliating her.
Maybe instead of falling in love with a beast who is really a prince, you fall in love with a beast who really lives in his parents' basement.
Cheer up! So there's no "Prince Charming," but "Prince He's Just a Jerk When He Drinks" is still out there!!!
Best of Luck Princesses!!!
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| This guy's back hurts! |
