Royal Wedding 2: Wedding Planning

The Royal Wedding is less than 3 days away, and the frenzy has reached a fever pitch. There's so much pressure on this wedding to be perfect, and I totally understand what Kit Kat (that's what I call her) is going though. Planning a wedding is uber stressful. I'm planning mine right now too, and oh my gosh you guys, it's sooo hard! My parents are in different states...I'm not sure which shade of hot pink to use...and I don't have a boyfriend (minor detail.)  But, if there's one thing I've learned, it's not to sweat the small stuff!  I thought I'd throw the Royal couple a bone and share my

Top 5 Royal Wedding Planning Tips 
(you commoners might find them useful as well!)

1. Sunglasses and a Wacky Dance:

For your Royal Wedding day, I can't stress enough how much you need to put on sunglasses and choreograph a zany dance for the ceremony. Sure, you could walk down the aisle the usual way,  if you want NO ONE  to pay attention! (Here's comes the bride, more like here comes the yawn, am I right!?)  The aisle of Westminster Abby is the ultimate Soul Train line, so break out those hot dance moves you British people are so famous for. Shake it right, and you could be a hit on youtube. Let's face it your Royal Wedding could really use some press!

2. Dollar Dance:



The dollar dance is as popular at Midwestern weddings as fried chicken and drunken Uncles.  Obviously it's an absolute must at the Royal Wedding as well. In the tradition of the dollar dance, guests pay money to dance briefly with the bride. Since British taxpayers have already shelled out some shillings for the wedding, I think they should all get to take a spin (or cop a feel) with the newest Princess!

Fact: "Ain't Nothin' Wrong with a Little Bump and Grind" by Sir R. Kelly is the official wedding song.

3. Blooper Reel:

You cheeky bugger!

If you know anything about life "across the pond," then you know nothing is more important to English people than making it on an episode of America's Funniest Home Videos!

If Tom Bergeron ain't making a quip about your wedding, then what's the point of getting married? So sack up Willy Boy, it's time to take one for the team and get hit in the ole family jewels! You can change people's minds about how bad British comedy is AND possibly win $10,000!!

4. Cake Fight:

"Let them eat cake." -Queen Elizabeth*

Cake is the most anticipated part of this, or any, wedding (except the open bar... The Queen Mum's a bit of a lush.)

William and Kate plan on having not one, but two wedding cakes. Both are sure to be beautiful and smashingly good... especially when lovingly smashed in each other's face and hair! It's the perfect touch of elegance. Now William, (this is important) you can get cake all over her face, grown, or even the crown, BUT you must be extremely careful not to get any cake whatsoever in Kate's mouth! We all know the royal family has "no fat chicks" policy.

5. Sexy Garter Toss:

This is a no brainer!  Erotic garter play is a crowd favorite. It's classy, sexy, and who among us doesn't want to see Prince William get all up in there, and use those big ole horse teeth to pull off Kate's garter?

Indeed!!!

    

 If William and Kate follow my 5 simple tips,

they are sure to have the wedding of a lifetime!  

Until their next one!

*Could also have been Beyonce or Jesus...Definitely someone important. (I'm not really into research.)