My Fair Lazy

I know I haven't blogged in forevs you guys, but seriously, I can't be writing this thing on the reg. I have an image (of mediocrity) to maintain. How can I teach you to live your worst life if I don't practice what I preach? 

I keep it as real as J-Lo back in 2002. (I'm still, I'm still Missy from the couch!)

Procrastination and apathy have gotten the best of me before, but now I'm back like a bad rash to join you in your seasonal (and year round) depression.

Unless I get tired or distracted... 

OMG! Look, a cute puppy and a kitty who love each other!!!!!!!!

Don't you wish you had a friend?

Where was I?  Oh yeah... Why, if you want to be considered a success in this world, must you do all of these terrible and exhausting activities like run triathlons, rock climb, and eat food while sitting up? (So what if you choke on a cheese stick? Being vertical is overrated!)

...or you could take a sweet ass nap!

It makes me mad when I hear about a 91 year old lady with a half leg and a winning attitude running a marathon. Stop making me look bad, Granny!  Why don't you just enjoy being old?  Make some meatloaf, shoplift, enjoy life! You get to be a shut in, with no judgment.  DAMN YOU, THAT'S ALL I'VE EVER WANTED!  

Everyone is just waaaay too motivated!

I'm bringing lazy back! 

Couch potatoes rejoice! I'm about to drop some serious knowledge on why being lazy is awesome. (I hope you packed a lunch, cause I'm about to take your ass to school!)

1. Sleeping is adorable!!!  Babies sleep all the time, and everyone thinks they are cute...even when they drool. What's the big diff between you and a baby? You're both hungry and cry all the time.

Get a job, free loader!!

2. Increased Flexibility!!!  So, your roommate got up at 6am to do heated yoga. Big deal. Guess who can pick up a Cheeto off the floor and feed it to themselves?  NAMASTE BITCH!!!

Perfect for soaking up tears!!

3. Creativity!!!  When doing nothing, your mind is free to come up with groundbreaking inventions!  Who do you think invented the Snuggie, Pajama Jeans or Cookie Dough Ice Cream? That's right...
a lazy, lonely, depressed person!! (Just like you!)

4. It's Sexy!!!!  Did you know Sloth is one of the 7 Deadly Sins?  Looks like someone has been very naughty!  "Yeah I haven't showered or moved for days.  I'm soooo bad!  Hey! You're blocking the TV. Get off of me! Dang, you're getting nacho cheese on my Pajama Jeans!"

Livin' the Dream!